Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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