he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
