I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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