dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize