I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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