atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
