how can u be prego again
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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