I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
