I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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