My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
