Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You took a bar mat shot.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
