WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
