you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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