I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
