A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
