I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
