It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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