Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
