He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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