my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
