Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
