it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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