O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
