Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
