he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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