Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
