he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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