i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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