We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
