Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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