I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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