why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
