Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
