I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
