You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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