He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
