You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
