I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
