i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
