**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
