Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize