Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
