remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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