the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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