The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
