I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
