I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize