im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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