I'm jealous of your bromance
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
