I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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