I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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