I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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