Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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