You smell like stripper and shame
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
