I accidentally had phone sex last night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
