The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
