I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
