We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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