i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
