if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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