Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
