Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
