you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm too high and old for this...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
