If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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