yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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