Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
