so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
