It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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