i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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