What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
