shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
