I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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