Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
