i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
