I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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