There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
